Conflict Management
In my book Marriage instruction manual found at Cathedral resource centre, Entebbe bookshop, Uganda Bookshop I have addressed this on page 67--75.
Today lets look at how we can manage conflicts as marrieds.
1. Adopt a learner’s posture. Both of you will win in the end if you can both learn and grow through experience. Set that as your aim from the very beginning. Once yoh realise there is tension, the most important thing is not making the other person understand your point of view, convincing him/ her that you are right, or winning the argument. Instead, the important thing is to learn something valuable that will help you become the people God wants you to be.
2. Listen with your hearts. “He whose ear listens to the life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise.” (Proverbs 15: 31). You will get to the root of the problem and work it out more readily, if you invite your spouse to tell you what they are feeling, what their needs are, how they would have liked to respond, and what you can do now to help resolve the problem in a way that will be best for them. The goal should be to listen attentively, to listen “ with your eyes,” and to understand not only their words but the feelings of their soul. Avoid the temptation of giving quick answers.
3. Keep your emotions under control.
Anger will never make a contribution to resolving a conflict or in helping us to grow, “......for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” (James 1: 20)
God wants us to put it away from us (Ephesians 4: 31). Pray for self-control over your emotions.
4. Think before you speak.
Some of us have our mouths in motion before our minds are in gear. And if we are trying to resolve a difference, that is like pouring petrol on burning charcoal. Extended silence builds tension because it is usually interpreted as disagreement. But some silence is good if we use sparingly to think about what we want to say and how we should say it. “ A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger” (Prov. 15: 1). We certainly don’t want to stir up any more anger when we’re trying to resolve a conflict. We want our words to calm and quiet the situation that will take some forethought. In this season of LENT may God help you manage all conflicts and have peace.
Rev. Samuel Muwonge.
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